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As anybody who has lost someone close to them can tell you, the funeral gives you a strange kind of focus. I knew that God was not responsible for any of this—that God does not kill children or parents or burn down houses. God cried first.

I had seen a psychiatrist, who gave me prescriptions for three drugs he said I needed to take: Xanax, Klonopin, and Ativan. But being in a constant drug-induced semi-coma made everything worse.

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Across from my room was the electric shock—therapy treatment center, and I watched some of the other patients lined up in the hallways on gurneys to wait their turn. So mostly I just lay in my room as doctors and nurses came in to talk to me; within minutes, most of them were crying. Over the next week, I tried everything: I threw myself on the floor at the mercy of the hospital director, pleading and crying for him to let me out; I spent some time at what was billed as a trauma-therapy center outside Nashville, by which time my hair was coming out in clumps.

At times I was manic; at other times, almost catatonically depressed. I need to talk to somebody.

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I need help. Kate is one of the most spectacular people I know and had come for the funeral and helped me write the eulogy. I was lying through my teeth. At that point I was far closer to killing myself than I was at any other point during the tragedy—I felt sure it was my only option. I started seeing Dr. Smith and my appointed therapist, Dr.

Betty Everett, every day, and at Dr.

I was willing to try anything to feel better. Kate is a rare-books dealer, and she has a friend named June—an extraordinary woman who runs estate sales and has something like , square feet of warehouse space filled with rugs and antiques and china. Opening one of her boxes, one might find an antique doll, a teapot cozy—and a complete set of early—twentieth century sterling silver from Tiffany. Every day was an actual treasure trove. But more important, as I spent day upon day going through box upon box looking for beautiful objects, two things happened.

One, I had to stay in the present moment. The second thing was that as we found old photographs, I was forced to reckon with loss, with transience. I came to understand and be at peace with the notion that the people in the pictures I was looking at were all gone now—that the little girl in who owned the doll I was holding in my hands was dead; that all this stuff was really just the ephemera that gets left behind.

There was really no judgment about it.

The Long Road Back by David Goldman

Little by little, I was getting my brain back online. With each passing day I had more and more plans. Going back to New York was still out of the question—I thought I had to change everything and was going to become an antiques dealer in Little Rock. God bless Kate and June for playing along. In October, Kate and I traveled to the Marburger antiques show in Texas—this huge, high-end fair located in a tiny town halfway between Houston and Austin—where June let us take over her booth and do whatever we wanted.

I thought this was fantastic: We were going to figure out the whole operation and be a great success.

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I literally did not sell a thing. I think it might be time for me to think about going back. First, though, I had to get through Christmas. I knew that the mere feeling in the air—the falling temperature, the fading light—would be more than I could bear. A couple in Colorado had started it in the name of their twelve-year-old daughter, who had died.

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Alternate Versions. Rate This. Director: Scot Dyer. Writer: Brian Farmer. Photos Add Image Add an image Do you have any images for this title? Edit Cast Credited cast: Brandon Callas Chris Brian Farmer Ray Olivia Hughes Jessica Mason Sharrow Language: English. Color: Color. Add the first question. A prison door clangs shut.

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The reverberation echoes with immense meaning both for the person locked up and those left on the outside. But the reality is that once offenders have served their terms and leave prison, doors still slam shut.

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In the U. More important, it shows how dedicated persons and organizations are helping people make it in spite of their problems.

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I wish every congregation would watch this video and ask what God wants them to do. The Long Road Back documents the agonizing difficulties facing Americans who come out of prison, regardless of their background, education, or support structures. Follow Jamie, a young woman who went into prison at 19 and came out at 30, as she job hunts, struggles to sustain relationships, and reflects on how much easier life was on the inside.