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Was sweeping the Billboard Awards, and winning every rock category at the Billboard Awards great? Yeah, that was amazing! Was having platinum records great? PP- I know, right!? I got to meet him before his untimely passing. I got to spend a lot of time with Vinnie , who just passed, too. When I was doing the Operator record, Vinnie was a huge fan. This is what I do every day to your music. This is insane!!! Being away from home all the time, after a while, can really suck. On those first two records, we had quite the schedule. I did. Obviously my singer did, Wes did.

Because you have no responsibilities. Like what time do we go onstage? You know what I mean? When I left the band, I was doing the same thing, and it got even worse than when I was on the road. You gotta be careful with that. Maybe you keep it together for that, but the rest of the time is fair game. PP- I would have appreciated more of everything we did. I say that a lot, and I kind of touched on that earlier. Yeah, you get to go to Paris, and you go to Berlin, and you go to London, and you go to Japan. You go to all these places. It was like, no big deal. I had that Kurt Cobain thing, you know?

This is so lame! Nobody gets to do that! I spent most of my time either not caring or absolutely hating it. You know how hard it is to be on Top 40 radio? Not just rock radio, but Top 40 radio!? A guy that I brought into Puddle there at the end to kind of help Wes out because obviously he was having some issues , another guitar player and singer, is gonna go out with me.

So, what exactly happened to Josh Harnett?

We do acoustic stuff. Make sure that acoustic tour comes down to South Texas. There are so many scenes that come and go. So I always tell people to go with their heart. People paid attention to it. Tour and sell merch. RG- I hear you, man. We get all our music in micro glimpses now. I used to love artwork, and I loved reading who they all thanked, who produced the record, who mixed the record, where they recorded it at, and read the lyrics!

Times have changed, and it has affected us all. You gotta deal with the hand you been dealt! You gotta find other outlets. RG- Paul, thank you for talking to us, man. Everyone can win without greed here! I read the post and all of the comments. Let me try another tact, it all comes down to what is the ROI return on investment.

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What the guys that pay musicians want to know is very simple … how is that band going to help us sell:. On a Friday or Saturday night in the lounge, we know we are going to make a profit, with or without live music. The other days, we will make a profit by keeping our expenses down. We also know that once the band starts playing the energy will change, both good and bad. Taking a step back for a moment, if I were a musician looking for gigs, I would promise to do the following:.

You are there to help us sell, otherwise, you would not be there. It truly is the only reason we brought you in. Follow the advice of the bar owners above and come up with ways to indirectly sell. As owners we know what an average Friday night is going to be our POS system tracks that. Consider offering me a deal, where you take a percentage of net sales above my average. I very well might pay you more than I would with a straight deal … its a win-win for both of us. The ROI a venue gets from a band is the band bringing fans into the establishment in the first place.


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All music business is about numbers. If a venue is booking blind without investigating the draw a band gets, they should probably just retire from the business of being a music venue and buy a juke box or karaoke machine. You can spell out your cost all day, but frankly it is tacky. If the band draws people, great!

That is just plain stupid. I understand the concepts you so eloquently draw out Mike, but it sounds like you are coming from a very one sided place. I have played many percentage, guarantee, and door gigs in the 20 years I have been performing, and have never felt the need to pimp out the bartender or the bar sales. I show them respect by allowing them to do their job while I do mine. See you at the Rock Show! A silly thing about all of this is that hard times create struggle, and restaurants definitely take a hit…..

I truly believe that the attitude that has been displayed here is very damaging to the relationship of venue and performing artists. If you are struggling with your entertainment ROI than you should consider starting a relationship with a talent agency. Both Florida and Southern California have a ton of them. And since the musicians in these outfits have already sold their own artistic integrity for basic survival needs, they should have no problem being part singer, part venue host, and part product salesman!

Good luck! An artist has a CD to sell at a gig. They just want the money, they want the beer for free, they want the built in crowd, and on top of that, they want the owners to stick their tongues up their asses and tell them how great they are. All this nonsense applies ONLY to cover bands. Marc S understands my point and may have hit the nail on the head with his comment regarding original vs. Let me address a few points you raised:. The ROI comes from a bringing in new customers i. Note, my experience is that of a small, intimate venue that caters to the over 30 ground.

Jazz, classic rock, singer-songwriter music works. We are talking apples and oranges. In my place, this is what walks through the door everyday. Second, most bands send these out all day long … its their business card. Insults aside, I know what your material cost is. My comments were aimed at the original post. A venue that keeps its doors open by selling liquor has different considerations than a venue that keeps its doors open by selling tickets.

The fact that you are able to make a living playing music is wonderful.

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That would place you at best as a 58 year old who has somehow missed the literally thousands of venues that host original music www. If you are being honest about the amount of experience you have on the performing side, then I am sorry you have the experience that original material does not generate money. I play in several acts, some covers, some originals, do fly gigs for dudes in Nashville and have opened for Nationals on the summer circuit for the better part of 10 years.

So, I am not just talking out my ass to be a belligerent prick, because I am that without being a musician.. So, if you wanna debate, I am giving you my perspective gained over the years of playing and earning money doing ONE thing, music. And believe me, when you give a shout out to any of the staff during the night, it makes an impression. Also good to know who your FOH engineer is, and most importantly, who your monitor tech is. The origin of this letter came from Florida.

This bar owner perpetuates crap. Ce la vie. I feel sorry for any creative person in the entire state of Florida. Takes money to make money? How many more quality gigs do you get when you buy that uber-collectible amplifier or super-custom built guitar? Insulting to not get a free beer or two? If you want free beer, then expect to get paid less, after all, you want them to give you something for free, so why not give them their last set for free?

And to the HVAC guy, every business is looking to save money on their expenses. I am positive tho, you go out and buy the best systems you can, and then mark them up appropriately so you make money back. Yeah, you guys pay every bill, on time, every time. Build up the rep, the numbers and prove yourself a worthwhile commodity, and the club owner will treat you differently.

This bar owner wants the best and wants it for as little as possible. Sucks to be him. It takes money to make money. I read this at first feeling pretty pissed off that my performance is supposed to sell alcohol for this guy, but then re-read and I understand Tampa is a different animal than New York. My advice to Tampa bar owner is to hire cover bands and pay them appropriately. They know how to behave. Also if a couple of tap beers for the band is too much for you than please get out of the music business.

I think the drinking habits of the Baby Boomers led to the unraveling of the local music scene. The bars all had bands, but almost any band would do, including poor ones, because it was party time. Bar owners became sloppy about local band selection as a fit for their place. People were there to drink excessively and dance, and after the third or fourth drink, any band would do. However, everybody made money. Mothers Against Drunk Driving began a very succesful campaign and licencing authoities began to hand out stiff fines for over serving.

Owners began to panic as revenues dropped and they started to take a closer look at what they were booking. Unfortuneately, by that time most owners had lost the sophistication needed to select acts that would develope a character for their place that would attract a set of regulars. They would have done better to have redeveloped reputations as places that always had good bands of a particular genre. Bars closed in record numbers and local live music all but died. In my opinion, todays best owners of music venues have rediscovered the art of developing a room with character.

They are aware of their surrounding demographics. They pick their target clientle carefully and develope an ambieance for them. They have a staff that enjoys serving their target customers. They carefully select bands of a genre that will please the customers they want in their place. The bands become co-creators of the rooms ambieance. The drinks will sell themselves. He missed the biggest point tho…. That bar owners are just cheap… I use to sell HVAC equipment to bars, they would always haggle to get as low as possible and then you still had to take them to court for your money….

Never ever ever heard any band get a raise cause the bar did good that night, most bar owners would most likely still say the sales were slow and try to cheap you. They do it with everything… why would entertainment be different? Right on. Cheapest skinflints walking. A buddy of mine, a licensed electrician, was hire at one bar to do some stage repairs and install some new electrical lines. He said he though the bar owner was gonna fall over. In my opinion the bar business went down hill when the drinking age was raised from 18 to 21! When the drinking age was raised to 21, that eliminated half of the bars regular crowd!

I used to be out with my friends every Friday AND Saturday night listening to bands and eating pizza and drinking shots and beer from the time I turned 18 until I got married at age That was 6 years of spending money at bars. If the drinking age was 21 back then I only would have spent 3 years patronizing the bars!

This guy is a troglodyte. He thinks life is all about his cool little cave. If he just wants to sell beer have the budweiser girls come in and sing kareoke. If you like playing at his club or clubs like his, keep going. You must have mutual respect. This is a guy that spends his day talking to bloated beer reps who are pressuring him to sell more beer and he wants to lay that nonsense on you.

I would never talk to musicians that way. Musicians expose their entire souls for their art. Find the one club that treats you with respect, where the Proprietor believes in you, and play there. And if you focus a bar on that, then it looses aesthetic. Sometimes its good to have a band to run people off. It a wakens them, and makes them happy. Music is a commodity just like anything else but pays a lot more than gold.

Otherwise you wlll just build up more sleaze. Nowhere in that article did I see mentioned the biggest root of the problem, which has more to do with the nails that M. Sorry, Mr. Club Owner. My job is to entertain people at any given establishment, keep them there, and make them want to return. Is this supposed to be some kind of joke?? You buy cheap, you get cheap. You know what M. What are you, soft, or just a glutton for punishment?? The bar owners need us too, we bring more people…and as said before if they just want us to increase their sell, why are they working in this bizz?

We are not there to promote ourself! You got to keep that in mind! So pu your rock stars ego ahead and play by the rules! But in general this message is condescending and demeaning to musicians. This is crazy. Because I never asked for the bar receipt from the owner. A good following is only as dependent on what the following people on an e-mail list has going on that particular night. I remember a gig where they were overwhelmed at the turn-out…had a line of 40 people waiting to get in.. They still made a few thousand dollars. We got complaints from our following how much this place sucked.

And they would never go there again. A night where we wished we played at a better place. You think we got a bonus for a night where they probably exceeded the fire regulations of people allowed in the building. Not a dime extra. Needless to say, when they asked us to play again we said NO!! A one hundred dollar raise did not cut it. This is more the rule than the exception unfortunately. Rock stars without a clue is what I can them. But serious musicians do what they do.

They play what they do best. And enjoy. No one can. All I can assure is that we are ready, prepared, did what we have to do to try and get the most people to come and stay for as long as they can. Contribute to accidents, which by the way, certain places will allow a drunk to continue to buy and not offer later to provide a ride within reason.

It happens. When the main theme is to sell alcohol. I think most bands and bar owner need to realize that it IS a 2 way street. But from my experiences, the good band get lumped in with the bad bands by most bar owners. And the day a bar owner shares with me the actual amount of money he made from my band, will be the day I probably die. The sad part is that musicians who already have a poor rep as a whole are coming here and lambasting the guy and having a piss poor attitude to boot.

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And those who HAVE proven themselves know not to make asses out of themselves here or in front of potential venue owners. Hit the street and avoid the bars altogether. I make more bucks busking than I ever did playing bars. Click here for a sample:. A few months ago I posted this article to my obscure little blog here. Cheers to all the varying opinions and attitudes here.

Can someone tell me how to exploit this blog traffic with regard to advertising? They also have to take ownership of the contract and payment. The club has to provide the venue, and work to market their lineup of groups that perform. However, it is erroneous to assume that the band is supposed to market by itself — it should be a joint endeavor with the club. His head is so far up his ass he needs to be flipping burgers for someone else.

This guy has the biggest brass balls EVER!!!! So ,I assume you make a living playing music with that attitude? And the article did not it was Your responsibility , it basically said to advertise specials. I have one easy solution to all of you serious musicians. I know. Saw him in Austin. This guy is just another bad toilet along the roadside and Not even an attraction to me. You would be better off renting a grange hall or play the Eagles.

The only reason I ever go to bars is to listen to music I like. If the bar sells hard liquor, I might even buy a drink. The guy is on point. Same goes for karaoke and the jukebox. Venues were plentiful and bands were plentiful as well. It was easy to find gigs even though it seemed as if there was at least one band rehearsing on every street in every neighborhood.

After high school and after I was of legal age to do so, I played in bar bands.

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Again there were a lot of venues in which to play and again many bands in the area. But we all worked as much as we wanted nights per week. The bars and venues were always packed and never lacked for patrons. Patrons loved and appreciated live music and had a variety of venues and music for their choosing.


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Any band worth their salt had as much work, within a mile radius, as they wanted. Then during the mid to later years of the 70s and continuing on into the early 80s and after some changes occurred. Eventually the legal drinking age in NY was raised from 18 to 21, drunk driving laws were toughened and enforced with a vengance. I personally know of a few clubs that had to shut their doors forever once drinking became a heated issue. Did this hurt the availablity of live music venues and their pay scales to working bands…. One last thing happened during the 90s and has continued on to current times.

But I know of many more bars that are barely hanging on financially and many more in the area that have simply shut their doors, beaten down by the laws curtailing both smoking and drinking. Many of these are bars that would have, at one time, been a place for my band to play and be paid at least minimally well as we entertained their customers.

Taxes too along with a piss poor economy have played a role in dampening, if not ending many venues abilty to have live music and pay at least decently well.. That hurts you and me. Nuff said. What a great thread! Most educational. I gave him samplers, flyers and info and in turn he displayed them, handed them out, and put my stage name on his billboard with gig time and date. We had a full house! Great gig. A month later I did the same thing…flyers, samplers, the works…he forgot and did nothing.

No one showed. He apologized, gave me a free meal, but the gig was a flop because he forgot to work with me on it. When you combine businesses for profit, there should be support and understanding on both ends. It was like pulling teeth to get her to take part. Did she say thanks to me or ask me to come back or provide specials that day? Not one word. My job is to draw people people into your establishment via the genre of music my band plays, entertain them while there and keep them there as long as possible which gives you to opportunity to sell your booze.

I agree fully that professionalism should be shown by any band. Promptness, dress, working the crowd, all being elements of that. Know your clientele and know your market before hiring us or any band. It will make for a misreable evening all around, for you, for my band and for your customers.

I think he was saying that by getting the people there and keeping them drinking was a joint-venture…I hope.. If you are making a cd and it cost thousands…. I do think a band should help advertise where they will be Saturday night…fb. The people I use does this, if we had a good crowd, we say we sure got them turned on. Think this…I will never be any good without the bars promoting me and the bars need to say if I dont help them by promoting, my bar is going broke. Everybody can piss and moan who is at fault but its strictly a joint venture.

Go to an open stage night instead. Funnily enough, I do a weekly gig in a club that includes a sports bar on the first floor and a live music venue on the second. I respect anyone who has the stones to get up and play for anyone. The number of venues are decreasing, the number of patrons who go out to listen to live music is way down, and the number of musicians are up. When the venue owner has their pick of the litter, the economics are what they are today. In an area where there are fewer bands, fewer venues and lots of customers I can think of several in Maine, Vermont, Northern NY State, rural Ohio, Western PA and a few other places , economics are more favorable.

In other areas, there is a glut of venues, musicians and fewer customers per venue. They are, literally, the scorched earth bar band types. And for a very few of them, this actually works. They have a loyal following that shows up and drinks. And the venue owner loves them. Asses in seats, plain and simple. Get an above average female musician in the band. Not one that just slaps a tambourine on her ass, but one that has banter and talent, usually a singer, or occasionally, a guitar player. Women patrons will go see a band with a chick in it, because the chances of there being dance able music goes way up.

Guys will go because there is a chick in the band AND they know with a chick in the band, women will go to see that band. Good, overview of our business , you get more responses then I do , cant quite figure that out but …….. Al Boneski the owner , only brought in Show bands,we, the Silver Buckle Band,advertised and Promoted both the Bar on radio and 3 weeks prior in the local Paper.

IT is Business! It Is possiable but to get that money you have to work at it. The fact that a band is pised at an owner , because he either doesnt have a P. A or a stage or lights. Makes me Lmho!!!!!! Well said. Bartender Brad always hands me my first Corona there! Then I sing! Weekend warrior, cover song bar band front man here with over a decade of experience doing this, generally playing for the door — sometimes successfully! Lots of black and white opinions being expressed here.

Unfortunately, I think that sort of dialogue is rare. Bands consistenly over promise and under deliver — as do bars, but in different ways. Either party can only take so much failure and as such, we are collectively stuck in this race towards the bottom. Been a hell of a ride, and I can see your side. God Bless, Good luck to all you all and the commenters too! It is a hell ofa ride not for the faint or weak of hart. Your rt. Some of the posters here have complained about poor or non-existent stage, PA or lighting facilities at venues. And, if there is ANY doubt about the suitability of the house system s , we bring our own.

Our contract and understanding with management also stipulate the availability of sufficient onsite AC power to run our enitire setup, the need for 90 minutes to set up, and 45 minutes to tear down and ship out. As for the performance, we expect only ONE thing: That both the band and—more importantly—the audience will have a really great time. The rest is in the hopefully professional hands of the owner, bartenders and servers.

Pingback: Wow. Lots of Thots on Bar Bands and Business by the ounce. That utterly offensive, insulting and disgraceful pay-to-talent ratio covers the following:. Travel to the gig oftentimes an hour or more and any tolls therefor. Physical unloading of all musical gear. Physical setup of all musical gear onstage. Mingling with appreciative club patrons after the show. Travel from the gig oftentimes an hour or more and any tolls therefor. Bottom line? Fuck this club owner and all others who treat musicians as little more than worthless beggars who should get on their knees to thank these ungrateful yahoos for paying us a fraction of our worth, all while they bitch about nothing more than their ability to fill their customers with alcohol.

Thanks a lot for imparting your knowledge and wisdom here. I like your take on it. This club owner is obviously operating on a low-level playing field, as are the bands working for him. So your post is coming from a position that rises above this, which is what all serious musicians must strive to do. These are the types of musicians this club owner is hoping to attract — gullible ones who will adhere to his capitalistic attitude. In his own world, however, he is right on all points. I doubt anyone who plays for this guy is serious at all artistically. Being a professional musician I agree with a lot of what you say.

You talk about the preparation time rehearsal, travel time etc for our gigs, but forget to mention actors, lawyers and almost every other profession have spent a lot of time and money to get where they are too. Are they overpaid in comparison to musicians.

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I think so. There are countless actors who make less money than we do. They make millions too, by singing into a mic in a studio that autotunes or melodynes their voice to get it in tune, and lipsync to the playback of that recording in stadiums where tens of thousands of their fans, after paying too much money to get in, get to hear what they can hear for free on the radio.

Because the bar guy is playing covers, has no name recognition and has no ability to sell out a venue based on his record sales, radio airplay or anything else. If you are a musicians playing in front of people, you get paid like you are playing in front of people. Lawyers get paid at all different levels. So do ball players and actors. The elite are a commodity that consistently outperform their peers, and thus, can command higher salary. As musical artists, we usually just suck it up and play for a pittance, all because true artists MUST pursue their art regardless the inequities of the pay scale.

Intellectual dishonesty? I respectfully disagree. Mitch , you sound very bitter! I doubt you have played on the road full time? Every business has or should have a budget and a cost analyis for doing your business. A few have instructional videos out , In your day job do you get payed to and from work? Do you tell you employer what he will pay you for your schooling? I have played for tips and for food when I was desperate and had no other way to survive in a foreign country. If one club hire non union musician and union member dont do anything , then your lost , and pretty soon down goes quality and Pay Period!

Buy the way , not all musician get treated well in Europe , ask a local european musician. I do know where your coming from but this bar owner isnt a aa or Show venue that is a fact! Most clubs I worked in used booking agency known to book show bands. So maybe you play in b curcuit or in your home town vicinity.

I did that at 15 yrs. Way I see it is that bands and bars both need to kick it up a couple of notches. Jerk off bands work for jerk off bar owners and make it real difficult for the rest of us. Problem is music needs to be performed live, out loud, and many a bar owner knows that and takes advantage of musicians needing to be heard. The whole thing snowballs from there. Truth is bar owner and musicians are codependent. Some bar keepers need to get out of the live music biz and some bands need to stay away from playing in public. Then the classy venues will have good music and no one will quibble about paying to see a good show and buy a drink or two.

If you are not charging a cover or selling tickets, you are not a live music venue. If not, you are a tavern. Problem solved for both parties. You ever see Justin Bieber play at a bar? Or PSY?

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Or Skrillex? Playing at bars is a shot at mediocrity these days. Good article, tells it like it is. I see all these jazz guys with all the chops in the world and it kills me nobody is paying close attention but the event, dinner, conversation and networking is what people are there for. My question in regards to selling booze is what is my exposure to Dram Shop Laws? Do I have the same liability as a musician as I did as a bartender 25 years ago? And Ronnie Neuhauser is right the band is the entertainment.

In my day job we have salesmen that get the work and people like myself, admin assist. I get paid to process the work not advertise or hoof it to find the work. This guy can eat a dick. The job of the musician is to sell booze? To put it another way, the job of the BAR is to sell booze, by selecting live entertainment they know will make customers more likely to show up and stick around.

Which I suspect is his kind of establishment. Fucking A Right! My job is to show up ready to play,on time, with a crowd pleasing act… Tell your crowd how much I enjoy playing at this establishment for them, Actually play a crowd pleasing nights worth of music while every now and them asking for them to visit the bartender, and remember to tip them! Thats the cold hard facts JACK!!!!!!!!!! Bar owner is trivializing music unless of course you can profit greatly on it. Thats the music business. Trivializing music and teaching that your music is unimportant so lets make it your job to make my bar money, thus making your band more important.

My job and reason to play in a band is not to make you money. There I am shopping and wondering. Really day dreaming, not wondering. When I scope the immediate vicinity and notice that nobody really interesting is there, or nobody that would really be interested in me, I buy my junk and scat. BTW, for the say of having a medieval moment. There is only thirteen days left for Los San Fermines de Pamplona.

So I upgraded my lj plan. Big deal. It is a big deal! Work wasn't so bad. An innocent looking customer came in behaving as naive as you can imagine. Imagine somebody going to the market for groceries because she's cooking a new recipe. Some of the stuff on the ingredients she's never heard of, so as she comes up to the cashier, she asks "Is this the right stuff?

While the flow of business is slowed to a standstill to make sure this customer is a happy camper, she pays her balance, thanks the cashier, then abruptly stops and says, "On the onion thingys you just helped me with… didn't I see a different brand for a cheaper price there? I finally changed the selection of CDs I'm listening to on my way to wherever I go. God, it was about time. I had been devoting all my attention to practically meditating on the Morrissey songs. The last song in the album You are the quarry is here. Track What in the world? When I wasn't in my mid twenties, I would make wishes blowing out candles, look up at night trying to spot a shooting star.

I even looked up at night to see the first star to make a wish. I wished that I could find somebody like suzy. Who's suzy? That's another story for another time. In a nutshell, I come to realize that my attraction to Suzy developed from her resemblance to Ana's mother. Why would I have the hots for her? I didn't. I simply fell in love with the look many women were wearing when they cut their hair short and sassy. Everyone was doing it. I don't know if they were lesbians. At the time I liked it and I remember being hypnotized whenever a TV commercial for red infiniti Q45 ran because the cutest girl with short black hair I'd ever seen was in it.

I never could get a date, let alone a gf, with somebody like that. Maybe women with short black hair are gay. Now I just think that my infatuation with that was the brief interaction when I met Ana's parents. I remember her telling me that her mom liked to use the word "puta" a lot.

We were teens. In my family, nobody cursed. If I was heard cursing, shit… I would find myself wrestling for my life against my dad who, with the upper hand, held either his leather sole shoes, or a belt. No, my mother didn't get to cursing as much as she does now until after she had surgery done to remove an ulcer. Her doctor must've told her not to hold her anger in and let it out when it comes.

I still feel melancholy about bumping in to her at work back in I think the whole world knows now how I feel about her. This title was definitely not one of the songs which motivated me to download the music. As much as this little entry is going to hurt the optimistic dreamer in me, I'm not holding it back.

The way I look at it is I don't mind being called a virgin by a homosexual, and I'm okay with remaining a virgin as far as homosexuals are concerned. Once upon a time, my gf took me on a double date. Come to think of it, we've had a lot of those throughout our affair, but what really stays embedded in my brain was when her cousin s were nice enough to let us doze in her car while they danced the night away. My gf and I steamed up the windows to that car to the point of appearing like smoked glass in a bathroom with tears rolling down.

We kissed, petted, and did things that has yet to be filmed in an R rated movie. After rolling my tongue over her areola, we decided to take our necking into the back seat and she said "Take your shirt off". I would've been more willing to comply back then, when I didn't have the hairy nipples I now have, but thought it odd that this might lead to getting my nipples sucked which wouldn't do anything for me sexually like the fully clothed dry humping we usually spent our time doing together.

What I meant by hurting my libido is, if I ever thought there might be any remote chance that I could convince my ex to take me back, if she ever caught a glimmer of this blog entry, I think it would be safe to assume I blew it. That's just the kinda guy I am. I don't care about the ineptitude of sex that became a hindrance back when I was a teenager, I simply compare myself to some of the abnormal things that other over-sexed people do which might be deemed degrading.

That's pretty much the highlight of my affair with my high school sweetheart. The more I try to make sense of what this Morrissey CD may be about, the more I feel like I'm being set up for a disaster. I have to wonder, now, whether or not the cousins who kindly gave us a ride to the dance club were gay or not. I don't know about homophobia, but when I think about it, it seems to me that dykes would have more in common with me than gay dudes.

I remember my xgf being sneaky about something that she held in her hand. It was a photograph that she was undecided to show me because she was wearing only a top and her panties. Red, I think. Her reluctance of presenting me with this piece of memorabilia was that fact that her boobs were slightly revealed as she had been standing on her bed while bent over forward as she held herself up with her arms.

Double damn!! I don't remember if this was a polaroid, but when I asked her who it was that took that picture of her, she named one of her bf, Silvia. Because my ex and I were very sensual when we were together, I never thought of suspecting she might be gay or bi. The way I still feel about her, though, I don't think this would make much difference to me if she showed up again.

I was never a gay basher, though I recall some of the guys I hung with didn't feel the same in high school. My friends were bigger users so they may have had a vices to support, and I'm not one to judge how and where they got their fix. If I dropped by The Palms for a drink, I wonder if I would get my ass kicked by a bunch of buch women.

It seems that it doesn't matter how popular a club might be, if I go to a best kept secret where swarms of straight, horny women gather, I'm not going to find somebody for myself if she doesn't appeal to me; and the only women who appeal to me are women who remind me of my xgf. This is getting more burdensome than fun. Yesterday somebody threw my car a morsel of food. I expect the education level around here where I work wouldn't know the difference between feeding a lama at the zoo from an inanimate object. That's probably why I see so many tutors.

Having reached my level of tolerance in listening to Morrissey, I tried to switch over to a book on CD, The girl next door , but the person who was reading the novel had an awkward way ot voicing the lines of one of the male characters. The reader was female, so it's understandable that her voice would be limited in reaching a tenor level. The moment I saw Morrissey's You are the quarry on the shelf, I immediate had to have it. It almost got stuck in my disc drive too. It was then that I began to wonder to myself whether it was really worth it, downloading the MP3 version when none of the titles of the songs seemed to be interesting.

Thank goodness there's only four more songs to the CD to review. I brought up an unusual incident that happened to me in last year. I had thought I had seen my xgf. Normally, when lovers see each other after a length of departure, they acknowledge themselves and catch up on things, however momentous the moment. To this day, there's a question mark over my head about whether it was her or not, but I've been like that most of my life since I met her.

When I was in grade school, I placed a little kitten underneath a storm drain with a friend. Later, my dad would tell me a story about the awful things his own dad use to do to cats. I suppose I'm lucky that I didn't know with my grandfather because Dad says that he'd go the extra mile and kill them. I guess I'll never get to heaven for torturing a defenseless little kitten when I was nine or ten.

I must've been a little terror at that age! Here is a picture of my loving Figaro. Here you'll see my cat licking his lips as he builds an appetite for my fingers. My cat doesn't seem to mind the playful way I groom him, I only wish I was more skillful with my camera the way dooce shoots his hound.